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Step One: Save This Post. Step Two: Open It Any Time You Ever Feel Sad. Step Three: Repeat

What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Michael! Marry me. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is …

So There’s An Island Where Happy Pigs Swim All Around. And It’s Every Bit As Awesome As It Sounds

Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco. Qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. Do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Porro Quisquam Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur? Et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit. …

Teacher Gives Birth While Dead, Then Returns to Life

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Natural Born Kissers A lifetime of …

11 Oversized Dogs That Love Being Held Like a Baby

Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice! What… is your quest? Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean? Camelot! Burn her! We want a shrubbery!! Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, …

Dad Becomes a Superhero For his 4 Year Old Son

OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think? Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the …

25 Places to Watch the Sunset Before You Die

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Army of Ghosts You’ve swallowed a planet! I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. …